Confessions from the past
by StineKJ
Summary: When Deeks sees his mother with a man, he is forced to come face to face with some emotions and memories he thought he had burried a long time ago. Please review :)
Deeks was quiet on the way over to his mom and her new boyfriend, which was unusual, he used to blabber about all and everything and she could barely get in a word. She kept glancing at him but didn´t say anything, knew he would talk when he was ready but right now she could see that his thoughts were flying around in his head and he needed to control them before he could let her in.

When they arrived at his moms house he still haven´t said a word, she turned off the car before she turned towards him and just waited.

He looked at her and knew she wouldn´t let him get out of the car before he told her what was bothering him, he took a deep breath before he opened his mouth.

"I promised my self that I would always protect her" he said and looked into her eyes

"After everything that happened with my dad… I just don´t want her to get hurt" he said with a small voice that was full of honesty and sorrow.

"It´s not your job to protect her and what makes you think she would get hurt?" she asked before she took his hand and squeezed

"I know Kens, but… god I´m going to kick his ass if he hurts her" he said with a laugh and she smiled at him before she squeezed his hand again.

"Come on, lets go inside" she said as she kissed his lips and opened the door and making her way to the front door with Deeks in her heels.

"Thank you for dinner and company tonight" Kensi and Deeks said as they were putting on their shoes and jackets

"Your welcome sweetie and drop by anytime" Deeks mom said as they walked out of the front door and to their car.

The car ride home was quiet as well, Kensi was to full to talk but Deeks were in his own world of thoughts.

When they pulled up to their house she turned off the car and turned towards him as she had done earlier in the evening.

He took a big breath and looked out the window and ran a hand down his face before he looked at her

"I have to tell you something" he said quiet and she took his hand and squeezed

"Okay" she said confused but she didn´t say anything

When he didn´t say anything she let out a sigh before she looked at him

"Listen, how about we go inside and sit on the couch instead of the car" she said hoping he would agree

"Yea good idea" he just said before he stepped out of the car and made his way towards the door with Kensi behind him.

When they came inside they took off their jackets and shoes before they sat down on the couch facing each other and she took his hand again.

"After I had shot my dad…I uhh… I ran away" he said and looked at her with tears in his eyes

"I just left her…I just abandoned her in the kitchen…bleeding and hurt…but I…I just couldn´t look at her…so I just ran…I uhh… I called 911…I still don´t know why I just should have let him die" he said and now he had tears streaming down his face and squeezing her hand

She just looked at him with shinning eyes and didn´t know what to say

"Maybe you called 911 to save your mom" she said

"Yea maybe" he said quiet

"I ran Kens, I just ran away" he said with a thick voice

"That is understandable Deeks, you were a little kid" Kensi said and squeezed his hand

He let out a little laugh before he answered her

"You don´t understand Kens, in my house I was never a little kid, my dad told me to be strong and not spend my time on useless things as playing in the garden or playing with cars" He said and she could see his jaw tightening, she saw the anger he had to his father.

"Marty… " She said but he wasn´t finished.

"When I heard the sirens I just ran…I couldn´t…I didn´t know what to say so I just ran, I lived on the streets for about 6 month before social services found me" he said before he wiped a tear away from his cheek, Kensi stroked his cheek and he leaned into her hand.

She leaned forward and kissed his lips slowly and he kissed her back, she leaned back and looked at him.

"I promised myself that if I ever found her again, I would do everything in my power to make sure that she didn´t got hurt again" he said to her with a look in her eyes that told her he wasn´t kidding.

"I know Deeks, but don´t you think Matt is going to take care of her?" she asked him

"Yes of course" he said

"But?" she asked him knowing he wasn´t finished

"But what if he does hurt her, I have already let her down once" he said

"Deeks you didn´t let her down, you were a little boy, you most likely saved her life when you shot your father, besides that's what love is all about, taking chances" she said and he smiled at small smile at her, she always knew what to say when he was down.

"I guess your right" he said and she smiled at him before she leaned in and gave him a soft kiss

"Did you just say I was right?" she smirked at him before leaning in again and connected their lips.

"I guess I just did" he said as he smiled at her.

They sat there for a moment and just enjoyed each other and the moment

"What do you say to some ice cream?" he smirked at her when he saw her eyes lit up

"Ice cream would be great" she said as they made their way towards the kitchen to grab the ice cream and two spoons.

Later that night they were laying and watching TV, Deeks were laying on his back and she laid on her side facing the TV and her head were laying on his chest.

He could feel her breath even out and knew she was falling asleep but he didn´t have the heart to wake her or the energy to move so he just kissed her head and closed his eyes himself.

"Goodnight baby"


End file.
